So much of our pain in relationships comes from unspoken expectations.
We give — hoping to get something in return.
We love — hoping to be loved the same way back.
We support — expecting appreciation.
We sacrifice — expecting someone to notice.
And when that doesn’t happen, we feel:
- Unseen
- Unloved
- Unworthy
But what if giving wasn’t a transaction?
Jay Shetty reminds us:
“When you learn to give without needing anything back, you set yourself free.”
🤝 Transactional vs. Mindful Love
Most relationships operate on unconscious deals:
- “I’ll support you if you validate me.”
- “I’ll be kind if you’re kind first.”
- “I’ll open up if I’m sure I won’t be judged.”
Mindful relationships break this cycle.
They aren’t about giving less.
They’re about giving without needing control.
🧘 The Monk’s View of Love and Service
In monk life, seva (selfless service) is a core principle.
You cook. Clean. Listen. Hold space.
Not for praise — but for presence.
Not for reward — but for growth.
It’s not self-sacrifice.
It’s self-expansion.
You learn to give from overflow — not emptiness.
🔄 Signs You’re Giving With Attachment (Not Awareness)
- You feel resentment when someone doesn’t “give back”
- You replay how much effort you gave
- You expect people to notice or praise you
- You feel offended if your help isn’t acknowledged
- You secretly keep score
These are human. Not wrong.
But they’re not peace-producing.
🌱 How to Practice Mindful Giving
1. Pause Before Giving
Ask:
“Am I giving to connect — or to control?”
2. Let Appreciation Be a Bonus, Not a Requirement
Still enjoy being seen — but don’t need it to feel valuable.
3. Serve With Full Presence
Whether it’s making tea, holding someone while they cry, or sending a message —
Let it be its own reward.
4. Detach from Outcome
Do the kind thing — then let it go.
Like planting a seed without needing to watch it grow.
5. Receive With Gratitude, Not Guilt
Mindful relationships are not one-sided.
Giving and receiving flow without obligation.
💬 Final Reflection
When you give without expectation, you:
- Love more freely
- Hurt less often
- Grow faster
- Rest more deeply
You no longer love to gain.
You love to give — and that kind of love transforms not just others…
but you.
This is the sacred freedom of monk-like relationships.
Where love is not a bargain — it’s a blessing.